Building Family Consensus When Your Elderly Parent Needs Care

Have you noticed that your mom or dad has started struggling with day-to-day activities like bathing, dressing, and preparing meals? It’s important to start pursuing help for your senior loved one as soon as you start noticing early signs of physical or cognitive challenges. However, this can often be easier said than done–especially if the rest of your family does not agree with your assessment of the situation.

If you’ve received pushback from another family member after bringing up the idea of hiring a home caregiver for your elderly parent, you may be feeling disheartened. Whether your family thinks that your parent is fine on their own or that home care services are an unnecessary expense, you’ll need to figure out how to build a family consensus regarding elderly care decisions for your senior loved one.

Thankfully, you are not alone in this situation. According to Licensed Clinical Psychologist Craig Grether, “When there is a family crisis with a parent, the adult children, no matter how educated they are, no matter how successful, with a variety of life experiences, they regress to the same dynamic of whatever was going on when they were 7, 8, 10, 12 years old”. In this article from Visiting Angels of Chelsea, we will examine some steps you can take to help pull your family out of these dynamics and make decisions as a family for your senior parents who need care.

1. Focus the Conversation on Your Parent

Unfortunately, when emotions are high, it can be easy for the conversation to devolve into an argument or for family members to try to dodge the conversation entirely. To counteract this, make sure you call this behavior out–in a nonaccusatory manner–as soon as possible. Remind everyone involved that your parent’s well-being is more important than anything any personal disagreements.

2. Keep a Journal of Mom or Dad’s Condition

It can be tough to keep up-to-date on the progression of your senior loved one’s health when you have other responsibilities. To make this easier, keep dated notes regarding your loved one’s mental and physical health. If your family is willing to help, consider working on a shared document so that you can have multiple eyes on your loved one and compare notes. A solid record of your loved one’s progression can be invaluable when making decisions about their care.

3. Avoid Approaching Mom or Dad Before a Consensus is Reached

If you have a certain belief about what you think is best for your loved one, it can be tempting to go to them directly instead of conversing with the rest of your family first. This is not a good idea, as it can hurt feelings, cause confusion and discord, and lead to your family being further divided in their approach to your loved one’s care. Instead, have thoughtful dialogues with your family and establish a consensus before going to your senior parent. A unified approach is crucial to ensuring your loved one receives the care that they need.

Let Our Angels Help With the Decision Making Process

At Visiting Angels of Chelsea, we offer free, no-obligation care evaluation meetings to help families decide what type of care is right for their loved ones. One of our Angels can come to your home and speak with you and your family about your loved one’s condition and how we can help them live a joyful and comfortable life at home. With our help, your family can get more information and reach a consensus about what is best for your elderly mother or father. If you’re ready to get started, fill out our online contact form or give us a call at (954) 688-9342!